Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Does a man need to be rescued from the ivory tower?



I’ve just seen an episode from one famous series…and it made me think about a different fairytale.
In this story there was this lady that she broke the heart of a man by having an affair with another man. She did realize it was a mistake, so she started a plied of actions that will make her ex forgive her and get back together. And there she was in the most romantic famous scene that a woman could hope for, coming from a man, in front of his balcony in the middle of the night repeating how much she loved him.
I know that normally there is this little sweet beautiful amazing princess that is trapped in to a tower by the spells of a dragon and usually there is this brave, handsome prince that will come along and liberate her. He will do anything, even kill the bad dragon, and fight with all witches that will try to be similar to the princess, climb till the tower on an unknown poisonous plant and break all padlocks that will dare to keep him away from his princess.
Hem, that’s a classic…!
What if in our days things have changed?
What if the man is the one trapped into the tower and a brave amazing woman is trying to liberate him?
I didn’t say get to him –or reach him- I said liberate!
Let’s not forget in the old story the power of the prince came from his love for the princess. Nothing mean, no tricks – just purity …and love.
So, if a man it’s in a tower – why would he be there?
Why was the princess in the tower?
Because of a mean dragon that wanted to marry her one-day and because she disagreed he trapped her in the tower.
Can we apply this to a man?
Sort of…probably no one wanted to marry him (irony) or someone broke his heart (most probably), or some bad witches they liked him so much that they trapped him in there with all kind of spells to keep him away from this little sweet angel that happen just to pass by…or they bewitched him with some bad habits that they are total opposites of his beautiful soul.
And there she is – this brave pure woman standing in front of this immense tower hearing the heart beat of this wonderful soul and wondering how can she broke the spells and free this man.
But does the man want to be liberated?
If we fallow the headlines of the old story –the princess recognize her prince and in the same time the prince sees her as she is, meaning she accepts her and doesn`t want to change anything about her.
In our story supposedly the woman likes the man in the tower for what he is in fact, and the man in the tower maybe will recognize the woman.
Nice maybe…
If a woman stays for three days in front of a man house she is considered completely nuts. If a man will do the same thing he will be considered romantic. If a man calls a woman five times or even more to get a date he is considered persevering. If a woman does the same thing she is …desperate. If a woman calls a man three times a day because she misses his voice she is considered possessive. On the other side, the man will be seen as loving.
Back to the story…
If a woman stays in front of a tower with her sword up, with her innocent feelings and ready to lose her life in her try to save this amazing man…unfortunately, he may not see her.
While being in the ivory tower are we all blind? Or we accommodate to well to that situation that we don’t see any other options?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Can a few words unsettle your feelings ?



Yes…and probably we all know that! And your brain already started to tear the tissue of all situations, just because I`ve mentioned it.
I`m trying to get here to a different aspect…
A person that you relied on, some time ago –years, months; that you haven`t spoke with from a long time because you decided that was the best way for both parts.
I`m referring to all kind of persons, that you could have been emotionally involved at a certain moment in your life- a friend, an ex, a relative- someone to whom you dedicated your respect, trust and the beating of your heart.
Your feelings were arranged and put in a box, letting the waves of time to hurl it into the black holes of your mind. And never, never come back…or you hoped so!
But, one day- out of nowhere- just in front of you, you see that person; a phone call of a familiar voice, a few lines on the window of your computer: “ Hey! How are you? Still alive?”
And all of the sudden you don`t know how to react. Your feelings are pumped up from that box that you considered forever lost! In a few seconds you are crawled into the past, you shiver inside, and regain your emotions. There is no time- just a moment – when you say something stupid like “I`ve been fine. Still alive!” with an insecure smile on your face. And there she was, gone again, for you don`t know how long, the person that came from nowhere to haunt your present.
But the feelings are still there – deeply pushed up! Your brain is flashing memories and you try hardly to concentrate on your actual normal activity. Once again with yourself you laugh or cry…or both.
You have banished all your feelings from your heart, your brain and your skin…and in a few seconds they were back nourishing your hesitation. You are ashamed of your self!
How come – after all this time and all your efforts?
And all day long you are the time machine of your emotions, pushed from a side to another, and no matter how good friends you have with “What`s wrong with you?” and no matter how hard they try to get you out of there – you mumble something with no connection- and you enjoy your stay into the smog where is just you, that person and your feelings - because you know that beyond your sweetest hope, all that was left were just those polite words: ”Hey! How are you?”

And what if you are on the other side of the rope? What if you are The Person that drafts in a few words the crumbs of some deep old feelings?
You find yourself one day- realizing that there was someone in your life at a certain time- that you pushed away with no concrete raison…or you had your raisons! You were just no ready to receive that type of feelings, it wasn`t what you were looking for, wasn`t the right moment or situation, or everything was perfect till it broke apart with no explanations.
Anyhow, you realize-that fellow did nothing wrong, but you just stopped talking with! And you understood that in a moment when you start zipping your address book or you telephone list, or just because it happened to pass by…You are ashamed of your reactions, so you let it go…
Nothing wrong- just a “Hey! How are you?”

Is repetition the mother of “Hey! I`m here! “ ?

I found my self lately repeating the same answer a few times in a group…
Am I getting old…or is my voice not loud enough to be heard?
And then I’ve noticed that also other people are repeating themselves or they repeat the same message with the same beat. Some others they just ask for it- it’s called politely reminder.
But why do we need repetition in our lives?
Is repetition of words – boring? Or it’s just a wicked game by which the subconscious is provoked to admit a statement?
A Latin proverb says repetitio est mater studiorum (repetition is the mother of learning).
One is letting out a few words and then it is repeating them…in the same context or in another one. The message is released as the words coming from a teacher mouth. Some of the “students” grab the idea…some are missing the points because they are drawing cats, dogs, hearts or cars on the back of their notebook. And then the teacher is screaming at them the same message or it’s asking someone to repeat it.
It’s a normal conversation at the same level as the teaching?
Our mums probably repeated million times to us “Wash your hands before eating” or “Brush your teeth!”- Did we find them annoying?
For sure at a certain point we were all stuffed of hearing same old stories, such as- how Adrian broke his leg while walking on a truck’s wheel. And Adrian was six.
Oh, you did know this one?
Is this a new message? I guess it is for you! So what am I going to do if I want you to get some ideas of this story or if I want you to repeat it to somebody else?
If the released message is not important probably it will be forgotten fast.
Just try to remember quickly – what every one of your friends said the last time you met them! Every single word! Hard? Or at least try to remember that part when you all laugh like crazy! That was so funny- what was all about?
Unless you recorded the moment …probably a lot of “good stuff” are forever lost.
Is like in those relationships where one is saying everyday “I love you” and the other person is just smiling. There are a few options for these things.
The first person it’s trying to get its feelings across, the second is enjoying the message.
After, some time of doing the same thing everyday nothing had changed – the first one it’s still saying “I love you!” and the second it’s smiling.
The first one is frustrated of not getting the message across, the second it’s almost bored of hearing it.
And all of the sudden the first person decides to stop, no more “I love you” every day!
The second fellow waits, but instead of the words it’s just a smile. If the first phase of letting out the message worked well, this person will take some initiative. If no, I have a bad news – after some time in this second phase – the first person will ignore that an “I love you” was released every day and the second will forget that it was ever received.
Got it …or no?
I remember a friend telling me that he would be the first one saying to a girl that he loves her even if it wasn’t really true. I know it is not nice! But this guy got a point- “I`m pretty sure they do not believe me saying this after three dates, but it’s a sweet way of saying –I like you and I want you to love me!”
Are we all trying by our words to influence the other person attitude or are we just trying to get some attention?
“Repetition without attention is unconsummated and unfertilized; without attention repetition is ineffective.“
All this bla bla just to get to this word- attention!
Hm, so we got some point here!
Someone in your group has some crazy good idea – so, be nice, and just pay attention before it is forever lost!Oh, do you remember what I told you about Adrian?