“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll
It happens that away from our control, we find ourselves in life in unpleasant situations. I call them external situations, because they are not primarily influenced by our actions, but have direct influence on our lives. Sometimes in life we have to do things that we don’t really enjoy, and we fight for them and give them the energy that otherwise we would have invested in something more pleasant for ourselves.
The thing that can help us go through those moments it’s the thought that “this is temporary”. And it is…It may an illness, it may be a survival job or jobless, it may be a separation from a loved one, it may be an unpleasant home. The problem is that whenever you are doing things that you don’t really like you give up more energy and at the end of the process you are kind of burnt out. The other problem is the fact that you will get depressed. You will get depressed because you are not doing what you want, you are not enjoying it, you are not where you want to be. How do you fight your negative thoughts and how do you go through that situation?
1. Propose a deadline
Before you make this situation into a habit, think for how long you will be in that situation – give yourself a margin: 3-5 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years…it may not be exact because it doesn’t depend on you, but at least you put a figure in your head to keep you going “It will all be over by next January”. With this thought in mind you will concentrate on what you have to do and you will push the events to finish by that date.
2. Accept that situation
In dealing with an unpleasant situation people often go through these stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining. You can accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. You have no other choice for now, so better get used to the idea.
3. Take advantage of your actual situation
Every situation has also a nice point. Ok, it’s clear you don’t like being in that situation, but there must be a little something that can bust your pride. “It pays my bills”, “I’ll be healthier after this treatment”, “I can switch career and improve my skills”, “I’m learning something new”, “I get to meet new people”, “I have nice view from the office window” etc. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It has to be just those little nice things that will help you minimize mentally the dark spots.
Waiting is not fun, so stop waiting and get through it! Exploit the nice points. You know that a nice part is some how beneficial for you, not only mentally, but as experience. You will learn a new skill, how to handle a certain situation, how to do a certain job, how to handle crisis, how to address a disease or an unpleasant moment. There is always something to learn! Keep that in mind.
4. Find solutions
You know that this situation is temporary, so even while you struggle to go through, think of solutions. There are definitely different options to reduce your time in that situation, or to improve your comfort in that situation, or even to get you out of that situation. So, plan and act. It may be that you are not able to even start your plan for a certain period, but why not have a smooth transition when the time comes.
5. Reduce the complains list
I know it’s hard because it’s so obvious you don’t want to be in that situation, but keep it low. More you think about it, more you complain – more attention you give to that situation. Don’t let it take over your entire life. Thoughts about what you could have done to make things happen differently or what you would have done if you only realized before or what other people should have done to help you, are totally pointless. And you already know it’s not fair, but does it solve something if you say it? NO. Stop complaining to everybody you meet, stop reminding yourself what happened. Why don’t you talk more of your dreams then this unpleasant event? You will have an ally (see next point), but for all the other people you can find a different subject for the conversation.
6. Find an ally
Find a friend or two, a family member and that person will be your “blanket” during that period. I call it blanket because it has to be someone special…warm, understanding and supportive. When you are going through hard times you need people to understand and encourage you. You can cry on that shoulder that will shed your tears, you can talk to that person, complain, and get advice. And most important, that person should have the power to encourage you and not bring you more down then you are. If you feel more confident or more energized after talking to that person – you have the right ally to help you go through, if you feel discouraged – you have the wrong person.
7. Don’t forget what you really like and want
It’s clear that because you are in this situation, you are unable to offer more time to the things you really like. Offer yourself at least 2 hours per week to the things you really like, even in an indirect manner. Let’s say you can’t perform your favourite sport because you are injured. Just go on the web or on TV and watch or search some information related to that subject. You can find points you haven’t considered before and make notes from when you’ll be able to do that thing again. Talk to your family and friends. You can still keep an eye on what is going on out there even if you are not there.
On a different level then these points, to keep you in a proper shape to perform normally: eat healthy, do some sport (if you can), get the minimum amount of sleep.
It’s not easy, but you have the power to fight even in difficult times. You just need to find that energy inside you that guides you towards the light. And don’t forget you may feel powerless in a bad situation, but you will be stronger when it's over!